I believe that the begining of my most deppressing, dangerous, and stupid decisions started really unfolding in my life after "T" died.
"T" died Febuary 21, 2007 at about 3:00 am. "T" had been drinking and was at a high blood alcohol level when he went to the store to get something to eat. He went to sleep with a blood alcohol level of about 0.12. In the middle of the night "T" vomited while he was asleep he then choked aspirated and eventually sufficated.
Him dying had a huge effect on me, he was 22 when he died and I feel like it was one of the only situations I'd had with death. I was 12 years old at the time. His mom and I were close. Once his body was removed from the house we had to strip his bed and began to clean his room. After his death I attempted suicide for the first time. My foster parents put me in the group home saying "that they want to be able to have someone watching me so that I won't kill myself." I was placed there on a friday two days after he died. His funeral was Monday and no one ever came to get me. Dealing with his death was one of the most difficult things to cope with. For so long I refused to stay sober at all I wanted to die but forced myself to do everything to remain alive. I've been coping with his death for four years now. every year I compile about a dozen letters to him to go to the store have them blown them into a balloon, go to -- Peak and let them go. This last year for his 4 year anniversary I had a prayer tatood on my back.
Our lady of perpetual help
Mother of good councel, behold your child
kneeling at your feat, begging your holy intersetion
I feverntly implore that by the child Jesus
carried in your arm you come to my aid
and be my guide in all things. Blessed
symbol of perpetual happiness of heart and
home -- Not completed
AS, age 17
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